I sat on the couch on Saturday evening, listening to my husband climb the steps of our apartment outside, knowing that when he entered the door he would most definitely confirm my biggest fear that day. COVID-19 positive. My mind immediately started racing and doing all of the things that I have been prepared to do for the last 18 months. Contact tracing, medicine ordering, prayer chain calling, soup making, vitamin researching. It was happening. Phone calls started going out as we contacted our loved ones, mainly my new friends at my new job as we told them that my seemingly healthy husband tested positive for COVID-19 just a mere 24 hours after we had all hung out at a football game with 0 signs that he was at risk. The outpouring understanding, love, support, and kindness flooded our phones. Family called, we prayed, Momma Zig went and got us the necessities and a few extras, we are ready for the next 10 days. Except…what about my job?
See, I have avoided a long quarantine this entire pandemic. The longest I was out was 72 hours and that is a blessing. But, I am sitting here writing this blog post knowing that I can feel the fever in my bones and the headache is creeping to the front of my eyes meaning that it is here to stay. PLEASE, let this just be from stress. I have scrambled all day long thinking about what in the world a substitute, who most likely does not speak Spanish, will do in my class for 10 days if I test positive for COVID-19. What will they do? How will they learn? What should I plan for?
The panic is setting in and I am thinking about the professional growth plan that still isn’t written that is due on Friday, the mini-summative assessments that I didn’t finish putting in the gradebook before I left work at 5pm on Friday. I am thinking about the students who were gone all last week who won’t know what to do this week because they didn’t find all of their assignments online. Will the sub give them Pesos in class to reward their positive behavior and random acts of kindness? Will they find the sub binder that I ironically just made on Friday? How does this make me look to my new administration who have been so amazing this entire year? These are the true anxieties of a teacher in quarantine. This is really hard.
You may think this is all dramatics and for views, but this is the reality and thought process of every teacher since March of 2020. How will we possibly ever do enough for our students and jobs if we are stuck at home for 10 days? How will we possibly meet learning targets and standards and benchmark goals if I am stuck at home for 10 days because of this God forsaken pandemic that we did not ask to be a part of? Yes, there is technology and there are amazing resources out there to help when teacher’s cannot be there. But, there is no replacement for an actual teacher in the classroom.
See, it isn’t the district that has too high of expectations for me, it’s me who has the high expectations. Mama didn’t raise me to be a half-ass teacher. We do the job, and we do it well. We strive for excellence in the classroom. I hold myself to the highest standard when it comes to my job. I am not perfect, I have many areas of improvement and all I am thinking about is how behind I will be professionally and how behind my kids will be academically from one stupid virus and 10 day quarantine if I test positive tomorrow. I can only imagine that I am not alone in these feelings and that every teacher who has experienced this is feeling it as well.
I will preface this next paragraph by saying that I feel supported by my district and do not feel overworked. I don’t even think I can say that I am underpaid in my district because I have a pretty nice pay increase over the last one I was in. This next paragraph is the state of teaching in 2021 as a whole, but doesn’t apply to my current situation. However, I cannot say the same for the dozens of teachers in my personal learning network that are struggling.
We are currently seeing the highest rate of September 2-week notices from teachers than EVER before (don’t worry, I am not going anywhere). My Twitter feed is filled with teachers crying out that they are at their breaking point. They are burnt out and it is not even October. They are being asked to get kids to jump 2 reading/math levels before the end of the year because of the made-up “learning-loss” from the pandemic. The workload is exhausting when it feels like you are doing two jobs for the Roomies and the Homies. Don’t forget about the committees, clubs, extra curriculars, and sports that are all lead by TEACHERS!!!!!!!!! It is a lot. It is really hard, but we do it anyway because we love our kids. Teachers are staying at school for hours after contract time to just get things ready for the next day, let alone the next week. Oh, and don’t forget that they have families who need them, too. Fox News likes to say we are “indoctrinating” children with “radical” ideology…and I say “with what freaking energy and time?” We are being attacked DAILY that we aren’t doing enough, or what we are doing is going to turn the children into mini Marxist. (must move away from this topic before I start screaming about how angry it makes me).
As I wrap up my thoughts, I know the kids will survive and be alright. I know that my husband will be okay. As for this profession, I deeply worry about those who are not experiencing the love and support that they need. If you are a teacher and you are reading this, please please hold on. Please reach out for support. Find your learning network, like #langchat on Twitter. Email me, FaceTime me, vent your feelings. Seek a free counseling call on Better Help if you need it. Whatever you need, find your voice to ask for it.
If you are not a teacher and you are reading this, here is how you can help. Don’t offer them the “self care” BS where you suggest they go get a massage or meditate. Offer your support towards legistlation that improves our education system by writing an email to the representatives. Offer them supplies for their classroom so they can stop spending their own money. Offer to alphabetize their papers. Offer them a nice casserole so they don’t have to cook one night. Offer to volunteer in their classroom. Offer to help them in the small-business that they run because 1 salary isn’t enough to pay the bills. Offer to fold their laundry and put it away (I will never tell you no).
At the end of it all, being a teacher is really freaking hard.